We've now come to the last item on our list, number 10.
Don't tell us we look adopted.
Heck, what is an adoptee supposed to look like?
Did Michael Reagan look adopted? How about Babe Ruth? Or George Carver Washington? Charlie Chaplin? I could go on and on. The list is huge. Did all these as a group have a special look that called out "I'm adopted"? Don't think so.
So why do you think adoptees should look adopted, whatever that look might be? Until you can answer these questions, think before you speak. Adoptees will see you in a different light.
Has anyone ever said this to you? What was your response? Leave a comment.
Monday, October 31, 2016
Monday, October 24, 2016
10 Things Adoptees Want You to Know
Number 9
Don't tell us that if our birth mothers loved us, they wouldn't have given us away.
My birth mother was only seventeen and as a minor she had little to say over the matter. She isn't the only one. My mother loved me very much and I lived in her heart nearly forty-one years till we found the way back to each other. Most birth mothers never forget the child they gave away. They remember us on our birthdays, holidays, and day-to-day. Adoptees were loved and will always be loved by their biological mothers (birth fathers are a separate issue, I won't go into here), so remember they had other reasons for giving us up for adoption, and not loving us isn't one of them.
Thoughts, please.
Don't tell us that if our birth mothers loved us, they wouldn't have given us away.
My birth mother was only seventeen and as a minor she had little to say over the matter. She isn't the only one. My mother loved me very much and I lived in her heart nearly forty-one years till we found the way back to each other. Most birth mothers never forget the child they gave away. They remember us on our birthdays, holidays, and day-to-day. Adoptees were loved and will always be loved by their biological mothers (birth fathers are a separate issue, I won't go into here), so remember they had other reasons for giving us up for adoption, and not loving us isn't one of them.
Thoughts, please.
Tuesday, October 18, 2016
Monday, October 17, 2016
10 Things Adoptees Want You to Know
Number 8
Don't tell us we're special.
We were children like every other child. We're adults like all other adults. What makes us special?
Why am I special? Is it because I have two families? Not so. Non-adopted children sometimes have two or more families, thanks to divorce and remarriage of one or both spouses. Is it because I may be multi-cultural? Isn't an immigrant family multi-cultural, too?
Tell you what, find me a good, logical reason and I'll be glad to have you consider me special. Until then, I'm just one of the crowd like everyone else.
Thoughts, please. Are you special and if so, in what way?
Don't tell us we're special.
We were children like every other child. We're adults like all other adults. What makes us special?
Why am I special? Is it because I have two families? Not so. Non-adopted children sometimes have two or more families, thanks to divorce and remarriage of one or both spouses. Is it because I may be multi-cultural? Isn't an immigrant family multi-cultural, too?
Tell you what, find me a good, logical reason and I'll be glad to have you consider me special. Until then, I'm just one of the crowd like everyone else.
Thoughts, please. Are you special and if so, in what way?
Monday, October 10, 2016
10 Things Adoptees Want You to Know
Number 7
Don't lie to us about our birth mothers.
When we ask about them tell us what you know. If you don't know, say so but don't make up something that will reveal itself one day as a lie.
Even white lies are lies. We may be adopted, but we're not fragile and definitely not stupid. We can handle the truth, give it to us.
Were you lied to as children? What did it feel like when you discovered the truth? Leave a comment below.
Don't lie to us about our birth mothers.
When we ask about them tell us what you know. If you don't know, say so but don't make up something that will reveal itself one day as a lie.
Even white lies are lies. We may be adopted, but we're not fragile and definitely not stupid. We can handle the truth, give it to us.
Were you lied to as children? What did it feel like when you discovered the truth? Leave a comment below.
Wednesday, October 05, 2016
10 Things Adoptees Want You to Know
Due to the high holy days this is posting today instead of Monday.
Number 6
Don't tell us we're angry, we know it.
Wouldn't you be if all your rights to your history and heritage are not in your hands but in the hands of others who think they know better?
Back in the '50s when I was adopted was it really "in the best interest of the child," or "in the best interest of the biological mother," who most likely was a teen, a child herself.
Yes, adoptees are an angry bunch and our anger fuels our energy to press on for opening the gates to our history filed for so long in our sealed records.
Are your records sealed? How would you feel if they were? You ask if we're angry, shouldn't we be?
Your thoughts, please.
Number 6
Don't tell us we're angry, we know it.
Wouldn't you be if all your rights to your history and heritage are not in your hands but in the hands of others who think they know better?
Back in the '50s when I was adopted was it really "in the best interest of the child," or "in the best interest of the biological mother," who most likely was a teen, a child herself.
Yes, adoptees are an angry bunch and our anger fuels our energy to press on for opening the gates to our history filed for so long in our sealed records.
Are your records sealed? How would you feel if they were? You ask if we're angry, shouldn't we be?
Your thoughts, please.
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